Iron Chef Wannabe

Allow me to share a little secret fantasy (as well as a recurring dream) of mine.  It’s pretty simple and straightforward: 

I’m in my house and I seem to be playing host at a lavish dinner party.  I see all of my closest friends patiently sitting around an elaborately-set table.  They’re eagerly awaiting the seven-course, gourmet meal that I’ve spent days preparing.  Okay, cut to the staff of waiters I’ve personally hired as they BURST out of my kitchen, holding plates upon plates of food.  My guests are elated!  Their eyes go wide.  Their mouths drop to the floor.  A little bit of drool even escapes my friend Tony’s mouth.  They begin to eat and delight in every last bite.  As for me, well, I can do nothing except smile.  Having gone all Iron Chef on their asses, I’m extraordinarily proud of my cooking talent and accomplishment.

Alright, so this may come as a bit of a surprise to all of you, but, all my life, I’ve really just wanted to be able to do one thing:  cook.  My customers frequently refer to me as a genius when it comes to mixing alcoholic drinks.  However, when it comes to preparing food -- well, I’m a complete moron.  If I knew my way around a kitchen as well as I knew my way around a bar, I feel like all my problems would be solved.  I’d be living in a shiny little happy place.  It sounds silly, I know, but, geez, electric whisks are just so sexy! 

Anyways.  I’ve got a Thanksgiving dinner party at Meredith’s coming up and I’ve decided to bring a pumpkin pie.  I’ve got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about baking, but I’m going to do it!  I am going to keep on keep keepin’ on and make the best freakin’ pumpkin pie in the history of all pies that are pumpkin.

So.  Does anybody out there have any good, old-fashioned, drool-inducing recipes for me?  Maybe a pumpkin pie your grandmother used to make?  I’m talking something really, really tasty and delicious.  Let me know…

-Joe the Bartender

Comments

[Sandra]

So, have you decided if you are going to serve McDreamy yet?

[Piper]

Sorry i don't have any amazing recipes but I did want to say what an amazing show, probably the best on TV right now, I LOVE IT! You rock Joe

[Daphne]

Hey Joe, personally I can't stand pumpkin pie buy I do have an amazing recipe for pumpkin cheesecake that I can't remember where I got it (Betty Crocker perhaps?)
PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE

Ingredients:

CRUST

9 graham crackers (approx 4 oz)
¼ cup of sugar
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ cup (1/2 stick) of melted butter

*I would suggest doubling or tripling the amount to get a thicker crust (the
one that I made was 1.5X - so you gauge how thick you want the crust to be)
*Add ginger snaps; gives the crust a little more flavor
*I used bakers sugar. it works a lot better than regular sugar

FILLING

4, 8 oz packages of cream cheese (room temp)
1 ½ cups of sugar
3 large eggs
1 15 oz can of pumpkin
**1 cup whipping cream
2 tsp of vanilla extract
2 tsp of ground cinnamon
1 tsp of ground ginger
½ tsp of ground nutmeg
½ tsp of ground all spice
¼ tsp of ground cloves

*use bakers sugar
**use half and half to make it a little lighter

Start w/ the crust:

Wrap foil around bottom and edges of a 10" spring form pan; make sure that
it's fit snug around; otherwise water will get into it while baking and will
make the crust soggy. Preheat oven at 350 degrees

Combine graham crackers (and ginger snaps), sugar and cinnamon in a food
processor; blend until finely ground

Drizzle butter over using on/off turns; blend well till crumbs start to
stick together

Press crumbs onto the bottom of the pan. Bake about 10 min; transfer to
cooling rack while prepping the filling

Filling:

Use electric mixer to beat cream cheese and sugar in a large bowl until smooth and
fluffy. Beat eggs in 1 at a time. Add the pumpkin and the remaining
ingredients. Beat just until blended

Fill into the pan.

Obtain a large roasting pan and place the springform pan in it. Add water
into the roasting pan up to about ½ way up the pan. Bake the cheesecake
until it puffs up slightly and the top is golden (approx 1.5 hours). Remove
from oven and cool.

Refrigerate overnight before serving.

[Joe the Bartender]

Sandra-- I'm still considering the possibility of serving McSteamy once again. After all, he does tip extremely well!

[karen in houston]

Here it is. Serve it proudly! THE BEST PUMPKIN PIE

Serves 8

If you do not have a food processor, the pumpkin may be put through a food mill or forced through a fine sieve with the back of a wooden spoon. Alternatively, you can cook the pumpkin, sugar, and spices together before pureeing, then whir the mixture in a blender, adding enough of the cream called for in the recipe to permit the pumpkin to flow easily over the blades. In either case, heat the pumpkin with the (remaining) cream and milk, as indicated, then slowly whisk the mixture into the beaten eggs.

Flaky pastry can be successfully produced using any all-purpose flour, but a low-protein brand (such as Gold Medal) produces a more tender crust. Doughs made with low-protein flours are also easier to handle, and, perhaps most important, they are less likely to buckle and shrink out of shape during baking. If you wish to blend the fat and flour with your fingertips or with a pastry tool instead of using a machine, decrease the butter to six tablespoons and add two tablespoons of chilled vegetable shortening. The pie may be served slightly warm, chilled, or — my preference — at room temperature.

Flaky Pastry Shell

* 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, measured by dip-and-sweep
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1/2 teaspoon sugar
* 10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, chilled and cut into 1/4-inch pats
* 3–3 1/2 tablespoons ice water

Spicy Pumpkin Filling

* 2 cups (16 ounces) plain pumpkin puree, canned or fresh
* 1 cup packed dark brown sugar
* 2 teaspoons ground ginger
* 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
* 1 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 2/3 cup heavy cream
* 2/3 cup milk
* 4 large eggs

Brandied Whipped Cream

* 1 1/3 cups heavy cream, cold
* 3 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar
* 1 tablespoon brandy

1. For pastry shell, mix flour, salt, and sugar in a food processor fitted with steel blade. Scatter butter over dry ingredients; process until mixture resembles cornmeal, 7 to 12 seconds. Turn mixture into a medium-sized bowl.

2. Drizzle 3 tablespoons of water over flour mixture. With blade side of a rubber spatula, cut mixture into little balls. Then press down on mixture with broad side of spatula so balls stick together in large clumps. If dough resists gathering, sprinkle remaining water over dry, crumbly patches and press a few more times. Form dough into a ball with your hands; wrap in plastic, then flatten into a 4-inch disk. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. (Can be refrigerated for 2 days or, if sealed airtight in a plastic bag, frozen for up to 6 months.)

3. Generously sprinkle a 2-foot square work area with flour. Remove dough from wrapping and place disk in center; dust top with flour. (If it has been chilled for more than 1 hour, let dough stand until it gives slightly when pressed, 5 to 10 minutes.) Roll dough in all directions, from center to edges, rotating a quarter turn and strewing flour underneath as necessary after each stroke. Flip disk over when it is 9 inches in diameter and continue to roll (but don’t rotate) in all directions, until it is 13 to 14 inches in diameter and just under 1/8-inch thick.

4. Fold dough in quarters and place the corner in the center of a Pyrex pie pan measuring 9- to 9 1/2-inches across top. Carefully unfold dough to cover pan completely, with excess dough draped over pan lip. With one hand, pick up edges of dough; use index finger of other hand to press dough around pan bottom. Use your fingertips to press dough against pan walls. Trim dough overhanging the pan to an even 1/2-inch all around.

5. Tuck overhanging dough back under itself so folded edge is flush with edge of pan lip. Press double layer of dough with your fingers to seal, then bend up at a 90-degree angle and flute by pressing thumb and index finger about 1/2-inch apart against outside edge of dough, then using index finger (or knuckle) of other hand to poke a dent through the space. Repeat procedure all the way around.

6. Refrigerate for 20 minutes (or freeze for 5 minutes) to firm dough shell. Using a table fork, prick bottom and sides — including where they meet — at 1/2-inch intervals. Flatten a 12-inch square of aluminum foil inside shell, pressing it flush against corners, sides, and over rim. Prick foil bottom in about a dozen places with a fork. Chill shell for at least 30 minutes (preferably an hour or more), to allow dough to relax.

7. Adjust an oven rack to lowest position, and heat oven to 400 degrees. (Start preparing filling when you put shell into oven.) Bake 15 minutes, pressing down on foil with mitt-protected hands to flatten any puffs. Remove foil and bake shell for 8 to 10 minutes longer, or until interior just begins to color.

8. For filling, process first 7 ingredients in a food processor fitted with steel blade for 1 minute. Transfer pumpkin mixture to a 3-quart heavy-bottomed saucepan; bring it to a sputtering simmer over medium-high heat. Cook pumpkin, stirring constantly, until thick and shiny, about 5 minutes. As soon as pie shell comes out of oven, whisk heavy cream and milk into pumpkin and bring to a bare simmer. Process eggs in food processor until whites and yolks are mixed, about 5 seconds. With motor running, slowly pour about half of hot pumpkin mixture through feed tube. Stop machine and scrape in remaining pumpkin. Process 30 seconds longer.

9. Immediately pour warm filling into hot pie shell. (Ladle any excess filling into pie after it has baked for 5 minutes or so — by this time filling will have settled.) Bake until filling is puffed, dry-looking, and lightly cracked around edges, and center wiggles like gelatin when pie is gently shaken, about 25 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for at least 1 hour.

10. For whipped cream, beat cream at medium speed to soft peaks; gradually add confectioners’ sugar then brandy. Beat to stiff peaks. Accompany each wedge of pie with a dollop of whipped cream.

Truly a McDreamy dessert!!!

[Betty]

I love your blog. I met my husband in a bar like yours.
Please set Meredith up with a nice hunk. The poor girl deserves some happiness.

[Da'Shaun]

I think u should just go and buy the pie Joe! But if it make you feel better you can make mashed potatoes,there's no way to mess that up!

[Tahra]

Hey Joe, don't worry about McSteamy, be more worried about Alex.

I mean, he actually paid you the other day? I'd be seriously worried. And good on you for giving George free drinks! You rock Joe!

[Graham]

Joe, I just wanted to applaud your showing up for Thanksgiving dinner and for bringing your pie and boyfriend!
I hope to see more of you and your boyfriend around.

[Bonnie]

U rock!!

[bella]

i love greys anatomy

[teriberi]

joe, i must say, your boyfriend is very very attractive. i hope to see him around more, as well as more of you...we miss you!

[Elizabeth]

You're always giving people dating advice, so i think it's time for you to tell McDreamy to hell with commitment and get back together with Meredith.