SEATTLE GRACE CHAINSAW MASSACRE
Seattle Grace has seen its fair share of the ghastly and extreme: 65-pound tumors, bombs in body cavities, ferry crashes, meth lab explosions, LVAD-wire cutting interns, pregnant dudes, toxic ladies, broken penises, severed penises, pole impalements, tree impalements, an entire staff affected by syphilis… And that’s just the stuff I came up with on the fly.
Well, SGH can now add “a crazy dude who cut off his own foot with a chainsaw – right there in the middle of the freakin’ ER!” to its repertoire. Actually, this one can be thrown into the subcategory of the morbid, macabre and EXTREMELY sick.
I get that it’s Halloween and all – but, dude – taking a chainsaw to your perfectly healthy foot? With no anesthesia in sight? Are you CRAZY? Actually, yeah. Yeah he was crazy. Totally nuts.
Alex came into the bar tonight with all of the grizzly details about Leatherface himself. Apparently, this guy suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. He actually thought his foot did not belong to him. According to Alex, the dude was convinced. So much so that he grabbed a chainsaw, found a seat, put blade to skin and CUT.
One question: Who the heck let somebody bring a chainsaw into the hospital on Halloween in the first place? Alex didn’t know. He actually never got to see the dude in person. Instead, Alex said he was occupied with “something else” all day.
“Something else?” Something else? What could be more interesting than Leatherface? Alex wouldn’t say, but it was obvious: a woman. It had to have been a woman that kept Alex occupied the entire day. Nothing else would’ve kept him from getting a chance to see Leatherface – chainsaw and all – live and in person. Now, who Alex’s woman was? No idea… But you know things like that have a habit of coming out around here…
It was Lexie who actually answered my question. You know – the one about who the heck let somebody bring a chainsaw into SGH. On Halloween. She said the chainsaw didn’t belong to Mr. Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It was actually brought in by some dude who was in a local pumpkin carving contest. That genius cut off his own finger. (Well, at least his severed body part was an accident.) Anyway – I guess the finger was still lodged inside the chainsaw. Hence the reason to bring a chainsaw into a hospital. On Halloween. Yikes.
After Lexie filled us in, she sort of awkwardly looked at Alex and then scurried away. Thanks for the tidbit, Lex! Come back anytime! Those Grey girls… They’re a bit socially awkward, you know?
Anyhoo – So, a guy loses his foot and a hospital gains an attending. That’s right – There’s a new kid on the block: Erica Hahn. Although, she’s no stranger to SGH. She’s been around several times before. Dr. Hahn is one of the nation’s leading cardiothoracic surgeons. And, yep… She’s the new Burke.
Dr. Hahn is pretty badass. She schooled a bunch of dudes in a game of darts tonight, let me tell you. Yeah – Dr. Hahn came in, ordered a few cocktails and then challenged some random guys in a corner to – what she called – a “friendly” game of darts. Well, there was nothing “friendly” about it. Hahn took no prisoners and beat every last one of her opponents. And those guys weren’t beginners. They just weren’t as good as Dr. Hahn. Man, I’m telling you, the girl’s got a steady hand.
I wonder how Cristina feels about Hahn’s arrival. Cristina is all about cardio. At least, she used to be. When Burke was around. Perhaps all of that will change now that it’s Hahn who holds the key to cardioland. We’ll see about that, but something tells me Cristina and Hahn ARE NOT going to be friends…
Hey, I’m surprised I didn’t hear about more people over at the hospital dressing up for Halloween today. Where’s the holiday spirit? I called Nurse Debbie to find out, but everybody seemed to have some lame excuse. Excuses, excuses, people! Just because you’re carrying around your baggie full of mommy DOES NOT mean you can’t dress up in a costume. Meredith. Who cares if the nurses have formed a club against you? Sloan. So what if the entire hospital heard you cheated on your wife, slept with your best friend, or are about to be a divorcee?! George, Izzie, Callie. IT’S HALLOWEEN! I want to see some freakin’ costumes!
Even I dressed up. I even made all of my co-workers wear costumes so we could all be one, big, happy mariachi band. It’s awesome. We each have our matching hats and our shirts and our instruments. And we’re taking requests! We’re taking them all night long. So “La Bamba” is the only Spanish song I know – WHO CARES – At least I dressed up. Which is more than I can say about my friends over at the hospital. And Dr. Bailey would’ve made such an adorable little kitten. There’s always next year, I guess.
Well, have a happy and safe Halloween! And, make sure your mom inspects all of your candy before you eat it, kids. Until next time…
- Joe the Bartender
hahaha oh joe ur so entertaining...i would totally dress up for halloween! We could all go trick or treatin together! :)
Posted by: dani | October 25, 2007 at 10:56 PM
(((JOE & Walter too))))
So good to see you around.
Happy Halloween your way..
So much is happening at SGH..
unbelievable..
hope the good Drs. and Residents come in to see you soon.
kindness your way..
karen
Posted by: karen in wisconsin | October 25, 2007 at 11:23 PM
1st post!!
Lexie was in a costume.. i thought it looked really cute.. meredith taking her mom to the hospital wasnt even the weirdest.. her dropping it and then scooping it back in was really.. disturbing
Posted by: Georgeizzy4ever | October 26, 2007 at 05:26 AM
I'm the first to commment!! Cool.
I miss Burke. He put Christina in her place like no one else will. Hahn was kind of rude. As a strong female surgeon you think she'd want to nurse the future generation of cardio people. Plus, Hahn and Christina have scrubbed in together before.She should know about her talent. I dont know. Maybe her and Burke were secret lovers back in the day.
I miss Burke!!!
Anyway, Avas Back!! I love her almost as muhc as Burke. Almost! I still miss Burke!!
Posted by: Ilove Burke | October 26, 2007 at 05:49 AM
As always, Joe, great post. Love your take on things. I always thought bartending would be a great job as you get he scoop on everything and everyone.
Keep the news traveling.
P.S. Bailey as a kitten is just too hilarious! A sputtering, hissing, scratching cat maybe but not a kitten!
Posted by: Jogirl | October 26, 2007 at 06:57 AM
Joe,
Your blog is the only bright spot on this website. Thank you!
Posted by: Terry | October 26, 2007 at 07:00 AM
Love you, Joe! You never fail to entertain while spilling the dirt!
Posted by: Starphoenix | October 26, 2007 at 09:16 AM
Joe, you are my hero.
Posted by: Abbie | October 26, 2007 at 11:48 AM
Joe you are back, I missed you, you always make me laugh, come back on the show.
And yeah so glad George and Izzie are an official couple, makes me happy!
Posted by: Abigail | October 26, 2007 at 11:35 PM
hey joe ur d man!
Posted by: angel | October 27, 2007 at 04:55 AM
Joe! We want you on the show!!
Did Lexi see what Alex was doing? Is that why she was awkward? Hmm....
Posted by: Anita | October 27, 2007 at 10:08 AM
Joe, you rock my socks.
What were the twins for Halloween?
Posted by: KaiaD | October 28, 2007 at 04:24 PM
Hmm, I think Lexie knew something about Alex's mystery woman and I would run far away from him if I was ehr too, the guy has disaster written all over him.
So glad the truth about George and Izzie is out and they finally can be together without all the lies.
Joe we miss you, come back on the show.
Posted by: Katia | October 29, 2007 at 01:26 PM
wow. what an episode! I cant believe Ava is back and the guy with the chainsaw!!
I didnt like Hahn very much and she seems like a bad replacement for Burke. Why couldnt they just let Washington remain on the cast and he apologizes and does soem kind of rehab and all is well, and poor Christina wouldnt have to be so lonely!
Posted by: sweetiepie | October 31, 2007 at 07:37 AM
Loved the episode! But what about Goerge and Izzie. Thats it. They are a couple now? Seems wrong. What about Callie.
Posted by: tomboy | October 31, 2007 at 08:05 AM
George and Izzie are finally together, yay, my dream has come true!
Posted by: Bella | October 31, 2007 at 03:01 PM
Hey Joe!! **huggs** Walter, **waves** and the ever adorable Wonder Twins **neck nuzzle x 2**!!
OMIGOD!! I just know that little minx Lexie knew who Karev was "on-calling" in the on call room. **whispers in your ear** none other than The Patient Formerly Known As JaneDoe/Ava/Rebecca - you know the maried one with a new baby and terrific husband (and that damn Alex has the audacity to look down his nose at at my beloved Iz and O'Malley!! Hmph... the nerve of some folks. **stalks off**
Anyhoo, I'm with ya about Halloween - I LOVE IT!! All the costumes and the weirdness is right up my alley.
I just wanted to tell you that I adore your blogs - you always give us all the dirty details that our fantastically talented writers somehow miss dropping on us.
Keep bloggin my wise friend, and happy Belated Halloween... By the way, I came to work as Post-It Note - it was hilarious!! Until next time honey!!! **waves**
Posted by: Seereeuzly... | November 01, 2007 at 02:40 AM
I'm soooooooooooo happy that George and Izzy are together. I just hope that mereidth and mcdreamy get married at some point in the show!
Posted by: jismeaniebeanie@yahoo.com | November 01, 2007 at 11:26 AM
Joe we want to see you and Walter and the babies ASAP!!!!
Thank you for your posts!!
Posted by: | November 02, 2007 at 02:10 AM
wow. he's right. bailey would've made an EXCELLENT cat.
Posted by: deirdre | November 05, 2007 at 01:36 PM
Don't like Hahn! Don't like Hahn! Don't like Hahn!
Posted by: Patty | November 06, 2007 at 05:45 AM
ha ha the George, Izzie, Callie comment was fab!!
Posted by: mudlove | November 27, 2007 at 01:02 PM
Where've you been Joe? I miss the gossip!
Posted by: Becky P | December 18, 2007 at 01:42 AM
Awesome blog... keep up the good work in 2008
Posted by: Sharlene from The Netherlands | January 03, 2008 at 06:48 AM
Good morning Joe & Walter,
Love the blog! Thanks for keeping us all up to date on what's going on at SGH.
However, I'm a bit more interested in what's going on with you, Walter and the babies. How exciting it must be for the two of you!
What did they dress up as for Halloween? By the way, I love the whole mariachi band idea. I can see you now, all dressed up in that kind of costume. What a great party that must have been! Sorry I missed it!
In any case, love the show and want to see more of you in it!
Hope the new year brings you and your family everything you wish for!
Posted by: Kelly's sister in Washington | January 07, 2008 at 09:14 AM
Hello Joe from Australia!
Go the Aussies...
Okay, so I'm a fake Aussie. Living here but born US. Still cool!
Missing you heaps!
Posted by: Ariel | February 17, 2008 at 03:13 PM
Don't let Mer have any tequila! Help her get out of dark and twistiness. So she and Der can have a chance!
Posted by: Tish | April 15, 2008 at 07:16 AM
If you see Derek with Rose, ask for Meredith, after all you do not know that they are together. You can also serve Rose a bowl of chocolates instead of peanuts.
Posted by: Lourdes | April 25, 2008 at 05:39 PM