Random Thoughts

Let’s talk – for a moment – about something called, “gaydar.”

“Gaydar” can be defined as an intuitive ability to discern whether an individual is gay, straight or somewhere in between.  I, for one, possess a very refined, very accurate gaydar.  For example, I knew Walter was gay the instant he gave me his phone number on a napkin at one of my favorite bars in Capitol Hill.  I like to think of this astounding ability as my very own sixth sense, but, instead of seeing dead people...  That’s right, I see gay people.

I pride myself on my gaydar.  So, tonight, it came as quite a surprise when Callie – you know, ex-wife-of-George, alleged-penis-loving, meet-McSteamy-in-the-on-call-room Callie – asked me if I thought she and Hahn were lesbians.  At first, I just laughed.  But, then I realized she was totally, completely, 100% serious.  Of course not, I replied.  Callie and Hahn?  Yeah right!  Callie and Hahn?  Hilarious!  Callie and Hahn?  Wait a minute…  Oh.  Callie and Hahn. 

The mere fact that Callie – all serious and insecure-like – was asking whether I thought she and Hahn were a couple said A LOT.  It’s kind of like when you call into a radio show, asking for advice for “your friend” who has some really weird frozen food fetish when, in all reality, “your friend” is actually “you” and “you” can’t call because your sister listens to that radio show and she’d totally know it was “you” calling if you did.  Or something like that.

Look, what I’m trying to say is…  Callie is confused.  And so am I, because I never would’ve thought about Callie and Hahn diving into some pretty uncharted territory together.  I’ve always thought of them like, well, Oprah and Gayle.   Just two good friends who braid each other’s hair and take road-trips across the country together (with separate hotel rooms, of course).  But, then again, maybe my gaydar is malfunctioning and Callie and Hahn have been secret luvahs this entire time.  Stranger things have happened…

Speaking of strange things…  What do you get when you take Cristina, one of Madonna’s greatest hits, and the morgue?  Well, you get Cristina singing one of Madonna’s greatest hits in the morgue, of course.  Yes.  Very strange indeed.

I guess Dr. Burke is somewhere out there practicing cutting-edge surgery and accepting prestigious awards because the man just picked up his very own Harper Avery.  Well, that whole picture obviously doesn’t sit too well with Cristina.  I mean, your arms are in a dead man’s chest, your fingers are wrapped around a bunch of lifeless organs and you’re singing?!  Just when I thought Cristina had closed that whole Burke chapter, this has to happen.  What’s next for Yang?  Cleaning?!

Oh, I almost forgot…  Today, SGH instituted some new “Date and Tell” policy.  They required all personnel to report any past or present sexual relationships.  Lexie and George came by the bar a little while ago and told me that the entire hospital was furious about the new policy.  All thanks to one man and one man only:  Mark Sloan.  Man, I can only imagine how many pages and how much ink McSteamy needed to complete his form(s)!

Everybody – and I mean everybody, er, except Bailey – had to fill out a form.  Including…  Nurse Rose.  I asked the sex police (that would be George) for a little clarification on that one.  He told me that if you were having sex with another member of the SGH staff, then you had to report it on the form.  And, Nurse Rose took one of those forms?  Yep.  She filled one out?  Yep.  So, she’s now officially sleeping with Derek?  …Yep.

Seriously?!  Okay, deep breaths, deep breaths.  In and out.  Iiiiiin and ooooooouut.  Okay.  Feel better?  Me neither.

I tried to get George to get me copies of everybody’s forms – or, just Nurse Rose’s – so I could see for myself.  But, he told me that simply would not be possible.  Anyhoo…

It turns out that Lexie was mortified because Alex apparently forgot to put his relationship with her down on paper.  Yeah, Alex totally forgot he slept with Lexie.  Okay, that’s embarrassing.  Good thing George was there to help Lex see the bright side of things – those two are becoming such great friends.  It’s cute.

I hear that Alex is feeling a little under the weather.  He was actually supposed to pick up a shift at the bar tonight (apparently, he’s trying to save up for a security deposit so that he and Ava/Rebecca can get their own place), but he called in sick.  The dude’s about to be a father!  He needs to rest up, believe me!  If Alex feels totally rundown now, I can’t imagine how he’s gonna feel when his baby is actually born…  We’ll just have to wait and see about that one, won’t we?

Alright, folks, it’s about time I head home to my babies.  Until next time…

- Joe the Bartender

Comments

[Terry]

You always have the best scoop...thanks for the blog!

[CoolTru]

Joe,
You crack me up every time.

Never had "gaydar" myself-could you teach a class or something?

[ricky]

well joe. i really think that ava/rebecca is a nice married chick. but for alex? no can do. what i really feel is that izzie has some how fallen for him! u can really see how much she cares about him. besides. who was the one who carried her when her "lover" died? sure she has some feeling for him right?

cheers!

[lyn]

Joe! knock some sense into Alex and make him see that Izzie actually cares A LOT about him, and my guess would be that she never really stopped caring altogether, despite Denny and George and whatever. i would say she still feels for him, and he just needs to get over silly little flings. and if anyone can dish out good advice, Joe's da man!
:)

[Cathy]

Hey Joe, thanks for making me feel better. Heck, from my experience gay men have great "gaydar" and if you got thrown off I don't feel so badly that I didn't see this coming either.

Alex working in the bar would be a great idea. Joe, where have your been this year? We have seen the bar, but not you. Pleae come back.

[kata]

yes! i love your inside scoop! Dr. Hahn totally pinged for me (gaydar slang) since the beginning, so it's really great to see something realistic happening here. i feel so bad for alex. when he finds out about eva/rebecca he's going to be so utterly crushed. thats some serious heartbreak.

[Ambrosiality]

@ ricky I'd be so... pissed if Izzy gets Alex, she's had chances, several!!

ugh or worse if George & Lexxie hookup I'd puke! I'd finally know the writers hate us.

(sniff) Maybe Alex was just trying to protect Lexie!! There's still hope!!!!!

Ha ha I thought the Chief was sleeping with Bailey, that's why he didn't tell her to get a form

[lou]

omg. callie and hahn? callie and hahn? callie and hahn theres just no way. callie isn't lesbian she cant be. its impossible. i mean she loves PENIS! i mean i think i'd be okay if hahn and sloan got together but not callie and hahn. i wish callie and george were back together. its all IZZIE's fault. anyhoo... george and lexie are getting to b close and im glad george doesnt only have those four as friends. he needs to spread. mer/der need to get back together or just end it. please. just pick one.

[drpepper]

I think Hahn is a lesbian but Callie is not. So...what kind of STD makes your temperature rise and makes you think you are pregnant??

[Liz]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SOOOOOOOOOOO Callie and Hahn. Score for the Callica team! nice call Joe :D