Grey's Anatomy: The Emerald City Bar

Water, Water, Everywhere!

Okay, times are pretty tough right now. For everybody. And, Seattle Grace is no exception. I mean, come on. First, it was all the crazy dreams. Then, came the #12 ranking. Next, an icicle impalement. And, now, A FREAKIN’ FLOOD?! Dude! Can’t SGH catch a break? Around here – I guess – when it rains, it pours! (hehe)

So, yeah, it was literally raining all over the hospital today, after a (seemingly very important) pipe burst. I heard there was water everywhere. As a result of the fiasco, the ceiling in one of the OR’s collapsed! On a patient! Well, IN a patient, rather. Yikes. Not a very good day at Seattle Grace.

No surprise, the bar was pretty crowded tonight. It seemed like everybody wanted to just… drown their sorrows or something. Speaking of which, can someone please tell me when Lexie started hanging out with Mark Sloan, of all people??

Are they friends? They’re just friends, right? Because I saw them drinking together tonight and it was all very, very strange. Lexopedia was reciting the periodic table and McSteamy was staring at her with just a little too much interest in his eyes. I have a feeling Lexie and Mark are about to get their own little couple-y nickname. Lerk? No. Marxie? No. Okay, leave your suggestions here…

I would’ve asked Alex for some info about the whole Lexie/Mark thing, but the dude came in and ran right out when I told him Izzie had already left. Yeah – Izzie stormed out after she discovered that Cristina STOLE her apartment. How do you STEAL an apartment? Ask Cristina. Apparently Izzie found this awesome apartment with hardwood floors and a fireplace and, well, Cristina took it from her.

When Izzie found out, I think it took everything she had to NOT KILL Cristina right then and there. Oh man, I’ve never seen Izzie so furious.

When Alex came in, he asked where Izzie went, and I told him what happened. That’s when Alex – without even ordering a drink – left, too. He actually seemed to – GASP – care. Of course, Alex would never admit it, but it was obvious (to me) that he was concerned about Izzie’s feelings. Maybe Alex is changing after all… Changing for the better…

I didn’t see Meredith tonight. I didn’t really expect I would. I guess Mer-Der have officially moved in together so they’re probably busy doing official moving in together things… Unpacking, redecorating, kicking out roommates… You know, the usual.

Okay, folks, it’s about closing time and I guess George isn’t stopping by to celebrate his big day. Today was the day George was supposed to retake his intern exam and finally become a full-fledged resident. I even had a couple shots all ready for him… Some tequila, some vodka, some rum… Everything except, you know, water. But, I guess he was too tired or something because I haven’t seen him. Hope everything went okay… Guess I’ll find out in the morning.

Until next time…

-Joe the Bartender

Sweet Dreams

Okay, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been having really, really bad dreams.  Nightmares, actually.  A few days ago, I jumped out of bed thinking there were spiders all over me.  The night before that, I dreamt that the bar was shut down due to some weird health code violation.  And, just last night, I dreamed about Meredith – all happy and whole, cheerfully packing up Derek’s things, merrily humming a joyous tune as she worked, heartily laughing about the wonderful little life she was about to make with her McDreamy.  I’m telling you, NIGHTMARES!

Walter says it’s because I’m eating too much sugar.  But, I disagree.  I think there’s a much more sinister, much more startling source of my frequent nightmares:  reality.

It’s true.  I’ve been catching spiders like crazy lately.  The health inspector paid me a visit last Tuesday.  And Meredith and Derek are actually, totally and completely MOVING IN TOGETHER.  It’s all happening.  It’s all real.  It’s all making it very difficult for me to sleep at night.

Spiders are scary.  Health inspectors are even scarier.  And, well, Meredith and Derek moving in together?  Now, that, my friends, is ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING!

Am I being a pessimist?  …So? 

Hey, I want the Mer-Der to get their happy ending.  I want Meredith to get over her commitment issues, her daddy issues, her mommy issues, her abandonment issues, her—okay, ALL of her issues…  And I want Derek to get his act together, too.  His mixed signal issues, his pride issues, his Nurse Rose issues…  Yes, Derek has issues, too, I know.

The million dollar question is:  Are Meredith and Derek both ready for this?  Has therapy really helped my girl Mer?  I hope so!  Has Derek really gotten rid of that creepy Fatal Attraction Nurse Rose chick?  Something tells me, yes.  Is Meredith really going to kick Derek out of her house every time a patient talks about chipping pieces of yourself away in order to have a real, lasting relationship?  I honestly don’t know.

I truly hope Meredith and Derek’s decision isn’t a mistake.  I hope they can make this work.  But, until I know for sure, I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep…

Until next time…

-Joe the Bartender

It's About Time

When Mark Sloan comes into the bar and orders a water, you know something went down at Seattle Grace!

So he says he’s growing and this whole swearing off alcohol thing is part of some “new leaf” or whatever, but I’m not buying it.  Mark Sloan does shots.  He goes home with nurses.  He talks about threesomes and nakedness and things he wants to do with fingers.  The dude once tried to get me to create a hot-or-not website that ranked the entire female staff of Seattle Grace!  (I opted to create this blog, instead).

Mark Sloan does not order water.  He does not strike up conversations about Buddhism and spiritual journeys and the ways of the noble messengers of yesterday.  And, Mark Sloan most certainly does not go home alone.  So the question remains…  WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AT SEATTLE GRACE??!!

Well, first of all, some kid supposedly tried to impress a girl by laying down in a bunch of drying concrete.  Dude, seriously?  Whatever happened to simply etching a pair of initials on the sidewalk and drawing a big heart around it?  I guess this kid really wanted to get creative.  Talk about good times!  It practically took the entire staff to free the poor guy from his new deadly cement jail.  Fortunately, thanks mostly to Bailey, the genius actually survived.

Of course, according to Mark, cement boy wasn’t the only big thing to happen over at the hospital today.  Many, many other things went down.  Things like…  Callie and Erica making out in front of Seattle Grace, for everyone to see!

Yep, apparently Callie and Erica (finally) faced their true feelings for one another.  Which, obviously, I think is absolutely wonderful.  And, Mark agrees.  However, as he was telling me the story, explaining how Callie literally grabbed Erica’s face and planted one on her with all the passion and longing in the world, I couldn’t help but sense that Mark was just a teeny, tiny, wee bit jealous.

No, Mark wasn’t jealous because he wanted to join in.  He was jealous because he saw two people having the courage to act upon their true feelings and not give a damn about what anyone else thinks.  Mark, I could tell, wants something like that.  Mark wants to find someone who can’t stop thinking about him all day.  Yes, Mark wants to be in love.  Aw, poor McSteamy.  It’s about time he found some true love, don’t you think?

It’s also about time Ava/Rebecca/Jane Doe got some professional help.  Before going home for the night, Lexie stopped by for a cocktail.  She told me all about Ava, or Rebecca, I mean Jane Doe (seriously, what do I call her), and her apparent SUICIDE attempt.  After that happened, I guess Izzie was finally able to convince Alex to hand Ava (I’m sticking with that one because it’s the shortest) over to the psych ward.  My man Alex was not happy about it, but he knew – in his heart – that it was probably for the best.

Lexie said Alex was in his dark place when he left the hospital tonight.  He must’ve been, because he didn’t even bother to stop by the bar.  Uh-oh.  I hope he went home and got some rest.  Hopefully, Izzie will be a good friend and make sure Alex is okay after this whole mess.  I’m sure she will…

Speaking of good friends, Lexie and George?  They are the best.  I get the feeling that they really look out for each other.  Take, for instance, the fact that Lexie actually broke into the Chief’s office and STOLE a bunch of personnel files.  And, she did it all for George.  She evidently discovered a whole bunch of personal (i.e. blackmail-worthy) information about ALL of our favorite docs.  Information I cannot repeat here on this blog.  But, information I can tell you in person, if you’re ever in the neighborhood.

Let’s just say that George shouldn’t have to be an intern for much longer.  Way back when, on Intern Test Day, George came totally close – I mean, super close, like one-point close – to making it to the next level and becoming a resident.  Fine – I’ll just say it – George failed his intern test by ONE POINT.  That’s it!  Both Lexie and I hope there’s some way he can retake the exam…  Somewhere…  Somehow…

Lexie didn’t stay for too long – she had to get home and clean up the apartment before George got there.  See what I mean?  A good friend!  Later, however, Cristina came in – as happy and pleasant as could be.  Talk about something big going down…

Cristina was exuberant tonight.  Wow, I never would’ve thought that those words could ever appear in the same sentence.  Anyhoo, come to find out, the Chief backed Cristina up during surgery IN FRONT OF HAHN today.  Now, that’s big, folks.

Richard told Hahn that she had to teach Cristina.  It was her job, and Hahn wasn’t doing it well.  Of course, this came after Cristina did some awesome cardio on good ole’ cement boy without Hahn’s help.  Good for Yang!  About time she got the save!

I asked Yang about her cohort, Meredith.  Where was she?  Apparently, that was the question of the night.  Derek had been searching the hospital for Mer earlier, but to no avail.  Wait a sec, did Mer’s disappearance have anything to do with all those candles I saw her carrying just moments earlier?

Cristina had no idea what I was talking about.  Candles, I said!  Lots and lots of candles in lots and lots of little glasses!  I was grabbing a jacket out of my car when I saw Meredith loading them all up in her car.  Cristina shrugged…  She was clueless.  She knew that Meredith made medical history today with Derek, but Cristina didn’t know anything about candles.

So Meredith and Derek successfully completed their clinical trial?!  They cured a patient’s brain tumor?!  They’re popping open that bottle of champagne?!

It was then when Cristina shrugged and accused me of trying to take away “her moment,” but I simply waved her off.  I was just so happy for Meredith!  And I was even happier when I saw Nurse Rose in a corner of the bar…  without Derek! 

Do you know what that means?  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!  It MEANS Derek was with Meredith!  It MEANS Derek and Meredith could (should) be reuniting (making out) as I type these very words!  It MEANS Nurse Rose’s reign is about to come to a sad, sad end.  And, for that, I just have to say:  IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

- Joe the Bartender

Random Thoughts

Let’s talk – for a moment – about something called, “gaydar.”

“Gaydar” can be defined as an intuitive ability to discern whether an individual is gay, straight or somewhere in between.  I, for one, possess a very refined, very accurate gaydar.  For example, I knew Walter was gay the instant he gave me his phone number on a napkin at one of my favorite bars in Capitol Hill.  I like to think of this astounding ability as my very own sixth sense, but, instead of seeing dead people...  That’s right, I see gay people.

I pride myself on my gaydar.  So, tonight, it came as quite a surprise when Callie – you know, ex-wife-of-George, alleged-penis-loving, meet-McSteamy-in-the-on-call-room Callie – asked me if I thought she and Hahn were lesbians.  At first, I just laughed.  But, then I realized she was totally, completely, 100% serious.  Of course not, I replied.  Callie and Hahn?  Yeah right!  Callie and Hahn?  Hilarious!  Callie and Hahn?  Wait a minute…  Oh.  Callie and Hahn. 

The mere fact that Callie – all serious and insecure-like – was asking whether I thought she and Hahn were a couple said A LOT.  It’s kind of like when you call into a radio show, asking for advice for “your friend” who has some really weird frozen food fetish when, in all reality, “your friend” is actually “you” and “you” can’t call because your sister listens to that radio show and she’d totally know it was “you” calling if you did.  Or something like that.

Look, what I’m trying to say is…  Callie is confused.  And so am I, because I never would’ve thought about Callie and Hahn diving into some pretty uncharted territory together.  I’ve always thought of them like, well, Oprah and Gayle.   Just two good friends who braid each other’s hair and take road-trips across the country together (with separate hotel rooms, of course).  But, then again, maybe my gaydar is malfunctioning and Callie and Hahn have been secret luvahs this entire time.  Stranger things have happened…

Speaking of strange things…  What do you get when you take Cristina, one of Madonna’s greatest hits, and the morgue?  Well, you get Cristina singing one of Madonna’s greatest hits in the morgue, of course.  Yes.  Very strange indeed.

I guess Dr. Burke is somewhere out there practicing cutting-edge surgery and accepting prestigious awards because the man just picked up his very own Harper Avery.  Well, that whole picture obviously doesn’t sit too well with Cristina.  I mean, your arms are in a dead man’s chest, your fingers are wrapped around a bunch of lifeless organs and you’re singing?!  Just when I thought Cristina had closed that whole Burke chapter, this has to happen.  What’s next for Yang?  Cleaning?!

Oh, I almost forgot…  Today, SGH instituted some new “Date and Tell” policy.  They required all personnel to report any past or present sexual relationships.  Lexie and George came by the bar a little while ago and told me that the entire hospital was furious about the new policy.  All thanks to one man and one man only:  Mark Sloan.  Man, I can only imagine how many pages and how much ink McSteamy needed to complete his form(s)!

Everybody – and I mean everybody, er, except Bailey – had to fill out a form.  Including…  Nurse Rose.  I asked the sex police (that would be George) for a little clarification on that one.  He told me that if you were having sex with another member of the SGH staff, then you had to report it on the form.  And, Nurse Rose took one of those forms?  Yep.  She filled one out?  Yep.  So, she’s now officially sleeping with Derek?  …Yep.

Seriously?!  Okay, deep breaths, deep breaths.  In and out.  Iiiiiin and ooooooouut.  Okay.  Feel better?  Me neither.

I tried to get George to get me copies of everybody’s forms – or, just Nurse Rose’s – so I could see for myself.  But, he told me that simply would not be possible.  Anyhoo…

It turns out that Lexie was mortified because Alex apparently forgot to put his relationship with her down on paper.  Yeah, Alex totally forgot he slept with Lexie.  Okay, that’s embarrassing.  Good thing George was there to help Lex see the bright side of things – those two are becoming such great friends.  It’s cute.

I hear that Alex is feeling a little under the weather.  He was actually supposed to pick up a shift at the bar tonight (apparently, he’s trying to save up for a security deposit so that he and Ava/Rebecca can get their own place), but he called in sick.  The dude’s about to be a father!  He needs to rest up, believe me!  If Alex feels totally rundown now, I can’t imagine how he’s gonna feel when his baby is actually born…  We’ll just have to wait and see about that one, won’t we?

Alright, folks, it’s about time I head home to my babies.  Until next time…

- Joe the Bartender

Top 10 Reasons Why Dr. Addison Montgomery Needs to Get her L.A.-ified Ass Back To Seattle Grace...Yesterday

Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery is back!

The world-renowned neonatal surgeon?  She’s back!  Derek Christopher Shepherd’s ex-wife?  Back!  The doctor who delivered my babies?  She’s baaaa-aaaaack.  The woman who showed up, unannounced – wearing the sickest pair of Manolos you’ve ever seen – and proceeded to try to win back the man she cheated on??  She’s sooooooo back!!!!

But, only for a night.

Sadly, it’s true.  Addie came back to SGH for a medical case.  Not for Derek.  Not for Mark.  Not for me, but for a freakin’ surgery.  And, now that the surgery is over, Addison is headed back down to L.A. in the morning.  Bummer. 

Well, a bartender can dream, can’t he?  He can envision Dr. Montgomery poking and prodding Meredith to fight for McDreamy.  He can wish Dr. Montgomery was here to continue inspiring Izzie when she’s feeling down and out after not being invited to George’s parties.  Gosh darn it, a bartender can hope that Alex is able to see right through his scary Fatal Attraction Jane Doe/Rebecca/Ava and come out okay in the end because ADDISON will be right there by his side… 

I sure was doing a lot of dreaming, wishing and hoping tonight.  And, ya know what?  It all got me thinking.  Yes, from time to time, I do think, you know.  Seriously – Working behind the bar, mixing drinks, watching Callie bolt out with Mark with nothin’ but sheer gay panic written across her face, witnessing Cristina get her ass handed to her by none other than Erica Hahn, overhearing Addison talk about some doe-eyed little creature thing or something…  All of it got me thinking…

We need Addison to come back…  Permanently.

This prompted me to write down my top ten reasons why Dr. Addison Montgomery needs to get her L.A.-ified ass back to Seattle Grace…  Yesterday.  So here we go…

10.  You can’t just find world-renowned neonatal surgeons in the Yellow Pages. What’s Richard gonna do?

9.  Gandhi?  Hugging?!  Addison really has been in L.A. way too long.

8.     Nobody can turn down Mark Sloan and his skin flaps better than Addison can.

7.     Ooh!  There’s an opening in Erica and Callie’s sunrise yoga class!

6.     Izzie needs a mentor.  Operating on deers, competing for cardio, “boxes of fun?”  Never would’ve happened if Addie were around.

5.  Alex is gonna need more than just a shoulder to cry on after Ava/Rebecca-gate is over.

4.  It’s about time we had another 60-day sex bet at Seattle Grace.

3.  Who’s gonna be there if (or rather, when) Bailey finally does fall apart?

2.  If anybody could make Nurse Rose go runnin’ for the hills, it’d be Addison.

1.  I really miss those salmon-colored scrubs.

Like I said, a bartender can only dream.  So, until next time…

- Joe the Bartender

Who is Nurse Rose?

Okay, first of all – can someone please tell me when this Nurse Rose chick showed up??!!

I take a well-deserved, itty, bitty vacation and the next thing I know – McDreamy seems to have forgotten all about little Miss Grey and has turned his attention to some outsider named Nurse Rose.  The nerve!

You’d think I would’ve gotten a phone call. A text?  An email!?  For cryin’ out loud, you’d think someone would’ve told everybody’s favorite bartender about the mysterious little lady stealing McDreamy’s heart, but noooooooo.  I had to hear about it from Mark Sloan, of all people.  Now, of course, nobody ever believes what Mark Sloan says.  But, when my boy Alex confirmed the presence of this… nurse…  I took it for fact.

Apparently, Nurse Rose and Derek have been seeing (and kissing) each other for over a month!  The funny thing is, as Mark so eloquently pointed out, they’re not sleeping together.  Ah, so they haven’t sealed the deal?  Yet.  Well, I, for one, think that’s just splendid.  Everybody knows that I’m the biggest Mer-Der fan around.  So, as long as Derek just sticks to working up patients – and not scrub nurses – then Meredith isn’t completely out of the picture.  Right?  Right. 

Here’s hoping that both Derek and Meredith figure things out, get their acts together and fall back in love…  with each other.  Not that I think they ever fell out of love.  No, they just need to work through their own personal issues (by themselves) and then get back together.  And, until that happens, I better not find Nurse Rose walking alone in any back alleys.

Okay.  Now that that’s outta the way… 

Hello again, world wide web!  Oh my, I’ve certainly missed you.  Between having twins, running the bar, visiting Walter’s family and going on a mini-vacation to Arizona, I’ve somehow lost touch with you all.  What can I say – things got a little crazy.  But, I want you to know that I’m back, and I’m going to be updating this here blog a lot more frequently now.  I’ll be discussing all things Seattle Grace…  Everything from Derek and his scrub nurse to this newfound friendship between Callie and Erica that I’ve been hearing a lot about (from Cristina, mainly).

Oh, man, Cristina is pissed!  She was just in here ranting and raving...  Callie and Erica this.  Callie and Erica that.  According to Cristina, Callie and Erica are bff’s and didn’t even bother to tell her.  Yeah, Cristina allows Callie to move in with her and the next thing she knows – it’s all “my-buddy-and-me” between Callie and Erica.  As far as Cristina is concerned, Hahn is supposed to be her “mentor.”  She’s not supposed to be Callie’s best friend.  You know, it sounds like somebody’s just a wee bit jealous.

I’m sure Cristina wishes that she was the one staying out all night and partying with Hahn.  Maybe then Hahn would go a little easier on her.  I mean, it’s obvious that Cristina’s been trying to impress Hahn, but, so far, she hasn’t had any luck.  Of course, Cristina has never been the type of girl who shies away from challenges.  The thing is, however, Hahn may be too much of a challenge for even Cristina to handle.  Only time will tell, I guess…

Cristina took off once Alex started teasing her about losing some sort of contest.  Evidently, the two of them were involved in some sort of surgical contest that took place over the last 14 DAYS at the hospital.  Izzie and Meredith participated, too.  Yeah – the four of them were living in the hospital for a full two weeks.  They ate hospital food morning, noon and night.  They slept wherever (and whenever) they could.  They rarely showered.  They DIDN’T LEAVE SEATTLE GRACE.  So they’re either really committed or really, really stupid (and smelly).

Meredith ended up winning the contest.  She supposedly won a highly-coveted, shiny, sparkle pager.  What’s so great about a sparkle pager, you ask?  Well, not only does it – I don’t know – SPARKLE, but, for the next three months, whenever somebody gets a surgery, that person has to first page the sparkle pager.  And, if Mer wants that surgery, then it’s hers!  Well, like I said, Alex was ribbing Cristina about being a loser and losing out on the power of the sparkle…  And, that’s when Cristina just got up and left, yelling “SPARKLE THIS” on her way out…  She was in a bad, bad mood tonight.  But, that’s Cristina, what can I say?

So, Izzie was depressed about running some patient through a slew of unnecessary tests and George and Lexie had to deal with their crapartment, but, where was Meredith tonight?  I’m surprised she never came to the bar.  Didn’t she want to celebrate her win?  Didn’t she want to show off her sparkle pager live and in person?  I guess not.  That’s when Alex told me that Mer lost a patient today.  He passed her on his way out – Apparently, Meredith was working late.  It looked like she was focused on a bunch of research.  Good for her!  Maybe it’ll help her do that whole “growing up” thing.  Besides, Mer could probably stand to avoid the bar for a little while anyway…

By the way, I heard that Meredith recently started seeing a therapist.  What, was I not doing a good enough job?  I listen to people’s problems. I give advice.  I offer support.  Best of all, I’m free (although tips are always welcome).  Well, I guess I can’t be mad at her.  I just hope this “therapist” of Mer’s isn’t some quack and will actually help her with all of her issues.  Yeah…  It’s gonna take some time…

Alright, folks, that about does it for me.  I’ve gotta get back to work.  Speaking of which, I could use a hand or two over here.  It’d allow me more time to blog, that’s for sure.  So, anybody looking for a job?  I should just hire Alex, as much as I see his ugly mug around these parts.  Well, anyway, I hope this blog finds you in good health and in good spirits!  Until next time…

- Joe the Bartender

SEATTLE GRACE CHAINSAW MASSACRE

Seattle Grace has seen its fair share of the ghastly and extreme:  65-pound tumors, bombs in body cavities, ferry crashes, meth lab explosions, LVAD-wire cutting interns, pregnant dudes, toxic ladies, broken penises, severed penises, pole impalements, tree impalements, an entire staff affected by syphilis…  And that’s just the stuff I came up with on the fly.

Well, SGH can now add “a crazy dude who cut off his own foot with a chainsaw – right there in the middle of the freakin’ ER!” to its repertoire.  Actually, this one can be thrown into the subcategory of the morbid, macabre and EXTREMELY sick.

I get that it’s Halloween and all – but, dude – taking a chainsaw to your perfectly healthy foot?  With no anesthesia in sight?  Are you CRAZY?  Actually, yeah.  Yeah he was crazy.  Totally nuts.

Alex came into the bar tonight with all of the grizzly details about Leatherface himself.  Apparently, this guy suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  He actually thought his foot did not belong to him.  According to Alex, the dude was convinced.  So much so that he grabbed a chainsaw, found a seat, put blade to skin and CUT. 

One question:  Who the heck let somebody bring a chainsaw into the hospital on Halloween in the first place?  Alex didn’t know.  He actually never got to see the dude in person.  Instead, Alex said he was occupied with “something else” all day.

“Something else?”  Something else?  What could be more interesting than Leatherface?  Alex wouldn’t say, but it was obvious:  a woman.  It had to have been a woman that kept Alex occupied the entire day.  Nothing else would’ve kept him from getting a chance to see Leatherface – chainsaw and all – live and in person.  Now, who Alex’s woman was?  No idea…  But you know things like that have a habit of coming out around here…

It was Lexie who actually answered my question.  You know – the one about who the heck let somebody bring a chainsaw into SGH.  On Halloween.  She said the chainsaw didn’t belong to Mr. Body Dysmorphic Disorder.  It was actually brought in by some dude who was in a local pumpkin carving contest.  That genius cut off his own finger.  (Well, at least his severed body part was an accident.)  Anyway – I guess the finger was still lodged inside the chainsaw.  Hence the reason to bring a chainsaw into a hospital.  On Halloween.  Yikes.

After Lexie filled us in, she sort of awkwardly looked at Alex and then scurried away.  Thanks for the tidbit, Lex!  Come back anytime!  Those Grey girls…  They’re a bit socially awkward, you know?

Anyhoo – So, a guy loses his foot and a hospital gains an attending.  That’s right – There’s a new kid on the block:  Erica Hahn.  Although, she’s no stranger to SGH.  She’s been around several times before.  Dr. Hahn is one of the nation’s leading cardiothoracic surgeons.  And, yep…  She’s the new Burke.

Dr. Hahn is pretty badass.  She schooled a bunch of dudes in a game of darts tonight, let me tell you.  Yeah – Dr. Hahn came in, ordered a few cocktails and then challenged some random guys in a corner to – what she called – a “friendly” game of darts.  Well, there was nothing “friendly” about it.  Hahn took no prisoners and beat every last one of her opponents.  And those guys weren’t beginners.  They just weren’t as good as Dr. Hahn.  Man, I’m telling you, the girl’s got a steady hand.

I wonder how Cristina feels about Hahn’s arrival.  Cristina is all about cardio.  At least, she used to be.  When Burke was around.  Perhaps all of that will change now that it’s Hahn who holds the key to cardioland.  We’ll see about that, but something tells me Cristina and Hahn ARE NOT going to be friends…

Hey, I’m surprised I didn’t hear about more people over at the hospital dressing up for Halloween today.  Where’s the holiday spirit?  I called Nurse Debbie to find out, but everybody seemed to have some lame excuse.  Excuses, excuses, people!  Just because you’re carrying around your baggie full of mommy DOES NOT mean you can’t dress up in a costume.  Meredith.  Who cares if the nurses have formed a club against you?  Sloan.  So what if the entire hospital heard you cheated on your wife, slept with your best friend,  or are about to be a divorcee?!  George, Izzie, Callie.  IT’S HALLOWEEN!  I want to see some freakin’ costumes!

Even I dressed up.  I even made all of my co-workers wear costumes so we could all be one, big, happy mariachi band.  It’s awesome.  We each have our matching hats and our shirts and our instruments.  And we’re taking requests!  We’re taking them all night long.  So “La Bamba” is the only Spanish song I know – WHO CARES – At least I dressed up.  Which is more than I can say about my friends over at the hospital.  And Dr. Bailey would’ve made such an adorable little kitten.  There’s always next year, I guess.

Well, have a happy and safe Halloween!  And, make sure your mom inspects all of your candy before you eat it, kids.  Until next time…

- Joe the Bartender

Smackdown!

Tonight began like any other night.  Everything was running smoothly.  The drinks were flowing.  The jukebox was blaring.  A few interns were playing darts in the corner.  Some frat boys from U-Dub were taking shots at the bar.  Callie was telling me about Izzie Stevens sleeping with her husband.  A couple nurses were crowding around the pool table.  Just another normal night, ya know?

Oh, what’s that?  You want me to back up?  Back to the frat boys and their Jagermeister?  Ohhhh, the whole Izzie sleeping with George thing.  Oh, that.  Yeah, there was…  that, too…

When Callie came in, I was thrilled to see her.  Ever since she became Chief Resident, I haven’t been able to chat with her all that much.  Being Chief Resident is no walk in the park, I’ll tell you that.  Callie looked exhausted.  I could tell that she had a lot on her mind.  That, folks, was the understatement of the year…

I set a beer down in front of her and told her it was on the house.  That’s when Callie looked up and told me – straight up – George slept with Izzie.  She then proceeded to pound her drink as I just stood there, behind the bar, speechless.  I didn’t know what to say.  I mean, I wanted to say something – anything, really – but I couldn’t seem to form any words.  Callie must’ve noticed my shock and utter amazement, because she left just about as fast as she came in.

And, that was that.  Yeah, sooo…  What’s everybody gonna be for Halloween??!!

Okay, if it sounds like I’m saying this whole Izzie/George thing is no big deal, it’s because I’m trying to convince myself this whole Izzie/George thing is no big deal.  I’ve been trying for the past three hours.  It’s not working.  No matter how much I hope and pray that this whole Izzie/George thing is just some bizarre mix-up, some way-too-vivid dream, some casual mistake, I know the truth of the matter.  Yes, this whole Izzie/George thing is a big deal.  It’s a very big deal.

Izzie and George.  Izzie and George?!  Is this a Meredith Grey, one-night-stand sorta thing?  Or is this more of a “I found my soul mate, so what if he’s married, we’re gonna make it work” kinda thing?  I, for one, would like to know.  And then I’d like to sit George O’Malley down and have a long talk with him.  What does George have to say for himself?  And, how in the world is Callie dealing with all of this?  First, Chief Resident and now her cheating husband?  Man, the future doesn’t look so bright for either of them.

After Callie left and I had time to decompress, the events I heard about over at the hospital during the day made complete sense.  You see, there was a rumor going around Seattle Grace about Callie wanting to kick Izzie Stevens’ ass at lunchtime in the cafeteria.  That’s right, SGH was about to go all WWE today.  “The smackdown of the century.”  Nobody knew what all that ruckus was about.  But, something tells me that everybody is about to find out…

Now, normally, I’d be able to sit here and blog about Meredith and Derek not having too great of a day.  I’d be able to tell you how I heard Derek was officially impressed with Lexie.  How Meredith got (understandably) annoyed about Derek and Lexie’s bonding sessions.  And, how Derek cancelled his weekend plans with Meredith, leaving her… confounded, to say the least.

But I won’t go into detail about all of that.  I can’t.  Why?  Because images of a scantily clad Izzie and a way-too-drunk George currently cloud my mind.  It’s all I can think about.  Okay, happy things, happy, happy things…  Ponies.  Rainbows.  Ice cream.  Not helping…

It’s too much, really.  It’s just…  too…  much…

- Joe the Bartender

A Hero Has Fallen

The title of my blog this week says it all, folks. 

Sadly, it’s true…  Super rockstar intern George O’Malley – once the most highly regarded intern among his peers up at Seattle Grace – is apparently no longer a super rockstar.  He’s actually more like a fraud.  A con-artist.  A fake.  A sham!  (Alex Karev’s words.  Not mine.)

According to Alex, who was just in the bar, George had all of his fellow interns totally bamboozled.  You see, George never told them he was a repeater.  But now, thanks to Alex, everybody knows about George’s former life.  It was only a matter of time, really.  I mean, George couldn’t keep that secret forever, you know?  Secrets just have a way of coming out, with or without a little push from Alex.

I guess George was royally miffed after he was outed by Alex.  Which is understandable.  Intern Steve says he feels sorry for O’Malley.  Intern Steve, by the way, is a drunk.  Okay, not really, but…  Steve says he invited George down to the bar tonight, but George completely ignored him.  George just violently shook his head and stormed off.  Intern Mitch, though, says he heard George muttering something under his breath as he walked away.  Something about “telling her” and how he’s “just gottta tell her” and how “tonight has GOT to be the night.”

Hmmm…  Now, I’m curious.  A – What does George have to tell?  B – Who does George have to tell it to?  And 3 – Why does tonight have to be the night?  Like I said, secrets have a way of coming out.  Especially around here.

Maybe it has something to do with Callie?  Nurse Debbie’s been telling me George and Callie have been going through some trouble for a while now.  I didn’t really want to believe it – because I, for one, really want those two to last…

Yeah they have their problems.  Yeah Callie’s a little bit crazy.  Yeah it’s true that their marriage wasn’t born under the best of circumstances.  But still…  Callie’s responsible for a lot of good in O’Malley’s life.  Remember how she stood by and supported George during his father’s illness?  Remember when – and I know this is a touchy subject but – remember when GEORGE SLEPT WITH MEREDITH?  My man was totally wrecked.  But Callie came in and, well, got George back on his feet.  I’m going on record to say that I like George and Callie together.  They’re good for each other.  But, it sounds like something’s up…  Who knows what it could be… 

Maybe Callie’s fallen in love with somebody else.  McSteamy?  McDreamy?  The Chief?!  Ha!  Or maybe it’s George who’s shifted his attention.  Cristina?  Bailey?  Izzie?!  Ha!!  Yeah right.  Could you imagine?  No, it’s probably just the stress of the job that’s getting to the O’Malley’s.  I’m sure it’s nothing they can’t work out…

I wanted to ask Interns Steve and Mitch more about what they’ve seen, but Alex literally shooed them away.  He said he couldn’t be seen in the presence of first year interns.  Drunk first year interns at that.

Obviously, Alex is back to being an ass.  Maybe his crankiness had to do with the World’s Oldest Intern (also known as Norman).  I guess Norman really got under Alex’s skin today.  I actually hope I’ll get a chance to meet this guy.  He sounds…  Interesting.  At first, Alex said it was a little hard yelling at his grandpa.  However, at the end of the day, Alex started to see Norman just like every other intern…  Brainless, annoying and majorly uncool.  Yeah, spring chicken Norm better hope he gets another resident.  Fast.

Alex didn’t stay very long tonight.  He was in and out in under an hour.  I wish I could say the same for Intern Steve.  When Steve started grinding a pool stick in the corner of my bar, I knew it was time for him to go.  He kept saying, “Just lemme drop it like it’s hot. One time.  Just once. Come on!”  I’m telling you, the boy was lit.

Luckily, Nurse Debbie came to the rescue.  She offered to drive Steve home.  Said she only had half a sip of a wine cooler and, besides, Steve’s place was on her way.  Yeah, right, Deb.  I could tell by the way she was staring…  Deb thought Steve was cute.  Drunk.  But cute. 

I wasn’t going to let either of them drive home.  So, I put both of them in a cab and slipped the driver a twenty.  See what a good friend I am?  I know, I know…

Well, I better get to bed.  The faster I fall asleep, the sooner I can wake up…  And enjoy another one of Walter’s fabulous waffles.  (My little wake-up plan I told you about seems to be working.  Thankfully.)  Have a good night everybody!

- Joe the Bartender

Sleepless in Emerald City...

You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to know that a severe lack of sleep can lead to general confusion, memory loss, feelings of hostility, impatience, irritability, and all-around clumsiness.  In short, sleep is good for you.  Which is why I value it.  Which is why I cherish it.  Which is why I miss it when it’s – all of a sudden – gone.  Those long, peaceful slumbers.  Gone.  They’re just…  gone…

You’d think I would’ve gotten used to it by now – what with twin babies and all.  The crying…  The screaming…  Don’t get me wrong!  My little bundles of baby joy are worth me losing a little sleep.  But…  I’m tired, people.  Which is why – lately – it’s been very easy for me to sleep until noon.  Okay, sometimes till 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

That doesn’t make me a bad person, does it?  It doesn’t make me lazy, either.  It just makes me a person who’s aware of the many health benefits of a good night’s sleep.  Right?  Right!  Well… 

TELL THAT TO WALTER!

He doesn’t like it when I sleep in.  He wants me up before 9 AM EVERYDAY, no excuses.  9 AM?  We’ve been arguing about it.  A lot.  I don’t think Walter understands that I have no choice.  It’s sometimes actually physically impossible for me to get out of bed in the morning.  It’s not my fault.  I just need my sleep.  I need it to survive.  I need it to do my damn job!

Take last night, for instance.  A bunch of newbies were in the bar going on and on about George O’Malley.  It was a true O’Malley love fest.  I guess he did some fancy schmancy medical stuff yesterday and it apparently earned him the respect of Seattle Grace’s entire internship program.  You see, there was a meth lab explosion in some crazy couple’s basement.  And, what’s worse – the couple had a baby.  That’s just…  sad.  So, so sad…

So, last night, there I was – pouring a Jack & Coke as Intern Steve (my personal favorite) and Intern Pierce argued about being O’Malley’s #1 Fan – when, I totally DOZED OFF.  Mid-pour!  My eyelids seemed to just shut themselves as Jack Daniels leaked all over the bar.  My shoes were soaking wet by the time I came to.  I looked around, as Interns Steve and Pierce stared at me, blankly.  I didn’t know what to say.  I was mortified.  I was embarrassed.  I was TIRED!!

All of a sudden, I heard a voice say, “Looks like you need this more than I do.”  I turned (slowly, lethargically), and found Mark Sloan sitting a few feet away with an espresso maker.  See what I mean?  I was so tired that I didn’t even notice McSteamy had come into the bar.

I took a look at the espresso maker.  Apparently, Cristina has been giving away her wedding presents.  Seriously?  She’s giving them away?  Why isn’t she returning them?  Because it’s Cristina, that’s why.

What else was Cristina giving away?  A MixMaster, a soup tureen, a wafflemaker…  Wait a second, a wafflemaker??!!  I was MORE than disappointed to find out that Nurse Tyler got Cristina’s wafflemaker…  Damn.  I could really use a wafflemaker.  I mean, very few things make me happier than the smell of freshly baked waffles in the morning – Now THAT, folks, is something that could get me out of bed…  Hmmm…

Anyways.  Somehow, I managed to keep myself awake long enough to get some juicy details from Mark about Meredith and Derek.  And, supposedly, I’m not the only one around here who hasn’t been getting much sleep lately.  Yeah.  McDreamy?  Not doin’ much dreamin’ these days either…

I asked Mark why I haven’t seen Derek around the bar.  He told me it’s because he can’t bear to tear himself away from Meredith Grey.  The two have been spending a lot of time together, even though – and Mark stressed this – Derek and Meredith are no longer a couple.

No longer a couple??!!  But they’re still seeing each other night after night?  Break-up sex, Mark confirmed.  And, it sounds like it’s going to take a little while for Meredith and Derek to get out of this apparent “phase,” too.  I’m not so sure all this Mer-Der break-up sex is healthy.  I mean, isn’t break-up sex only supposed to happen once?  That’s what happens normally…  But then again – as we all know – Meredith and Derek aren’t exactly normal.

After Mark left (with both his espresso maker AND a nurse), it happened again.  I dozed off!  I zoned out!  AGAIN!  This time I was listening to Intern Mitch tell me about Alex getting KNOCKED OUT by Crazy Meth Lab Dad.  Yeah – I guess Alex’s emotions got the best of him yesterday and he ended up on the floor.  Crazy Meth Lab Dad was then able to kidnap his own baby.  Luckily, Derek eventually found them.

Dude.  It sounds like Callie has her work cut out for her.  I mean, a baby went missing when she was SUPPOSED to be in charge.  That doesn’t sound so good for Chief Resident Callie.  Poor girl – Her hands are FULL.  I hope she’s able to handle the job…

Anyways – after I practically lost consciousness for the SECOND time, I immediately called Walter and told him that THIS IS WHY I NEED MY SLEEP.  Walter, however, didn’t seem to care...  He just kept saying something about us all having to “make sacrifices” and I need to “figure it out.”  “9 AM!  9 AM!  SACRIFICES!”  Then, Walter hung up.

That’s when the unthinkable happened…  GUESS who walked into my bar.  Go on, guess!  No, not Preston Burke.  Better!  It was NURSE TYLER.  It was Nurse Tyler and his WAFFLEMAKER!!

At that moment – A light bulb went off in my head.

With that wafflemaker, Walter would be able to make REALLY GOOD waffles in the morning.  Which would – of course – lead to a REALLY GOOD waffle smell in the morning.  Which would – ultimately – lead to me WAKING UP in the morning (instead of the afternoon).  All by 9 AM!  Problem solved!

I told Nurse Tyler he could drink for free IF he’d hand over the wafflemaker.  After some deliberating, Nurse Tyler agreed.  So, I took the wafflemaker home and told Walter about the plan.  He looked at me, kinda appalled, and asked, “What makes you think I’d make you waffles every morning?”  I looked back at him and said, drearily, “Sacrifices.  We all have to make sacrifices...”

And then I passed out.

Well, looks like my plan worked.  Because the time is now 8:42 AM and I’m wide awake, enjoying an absolutely delicious waffle that Walter prepared.  Delicious.  Walter has me up by 9 AM.  I have my waffle.  We have our babies.  And Walter seems pleased.  Ah, life is good…  Life.  Is.  Good.

- Joe the Bartender